INTERVIEW: Gail Simone Guides 'Blockbuster Update' of Red Sonja, Vampirella and Dejah Thoris
If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent at least one night staying up until 2 a.m. to get in a final bid on an item on eBay. In my case, it was a vintage Mickey Mouse watch that my wife had her eye on. While I’ve never burnt the midnight oil for anything I’ve personally wanted off the site, there are a few fictional, comic-related items I could see bidding the hell out of on eBay for, if indeed they were real. And today I present six of them.
No doubt many of the items on this list would violate eBay’s prohibited and restricted items, at least in our world; for the sake of this list, let’s pretend it’s not in continuity.
1. Mr. Freeze’s freeze ray: The temperature today in my neck of the woods is over 100 degrees … in May, in California. What the hell? So on a day like today, I’d be more than willing to spend some time on eBay bidding on Mr. Freeze’s freeze ray. Instead of using it to make everyone’s life miserable and to fight guys in bat suits, I’d use it to turn my town into a winter wonderland … at least until Wednesday, when we should be back around the normal and more palatable 85 degrees.
2. The Mobius Chair: This of course is the chair that Metron rides around time and space in, doing mysterious tasks to keep the universe from ending. It’s a Mother Box times 10, marketed to the lazy — it comes with its own seat! It allows the sitter to travel around the cosmos without really much exertion, so they can save their energy to focus on brooding. I’d use it to avoid traffic; seriously, the 101 can be a bitch during rush hour.
3. Dr. Octopus’s tentacles: Some days you just need an extra set of hands, and these offer two for the price of one. Never mind the drawbacks, like what they could end up doing to my sanity or my waistline (considering he has four mechanical arms carrying him around all day, I’m surprised Dock Ock isn’t as big as the Blob); I just like the thought of not having to get up off the couch if I can’t reach the remote with the inferior, shorter arms I was given at birth.
4. Red Ronin: As I said earlier, the 101 can be a bitch during rush hour, and some days a super-powered mega chair that can teleport you from point A to point B just isn’t enough. Sometimes all the single drivers in the carpool lane need to learn a lesson, something that involves picking up their cars and putting them back in the lane where they belong. Possibly upside-down. And the Red Ronin mecha robot, typically used to fight monsters like Godzilla, is just the thing to do it.
5. Wonder Woman’s lasso: Wonder Woman’s golden lasso would probably fetch a pretty penny on eBay, but I’m sure it would be worth it – wrap someone up in it, and they have to tell the truth. It would be handy in dealing with salesmen the next time I need a new car, TV or what have you.
6. Kevin Matchstick’s baseball bat: I don’t really have a contemporary use for the baseball bat from Mage beyond maybe home protection, as I don’t participate in the company softball league, but Excalibur reborn as a baseball bat is just too cool not to have.