As the licensing machine revs up for the May 4 premiere of The Avengers, fragrance company JADS International — the company behind such brands as Sulu Pour Homme, Slave Leia Perfume and Shirtless Kirk Cologne — has rolled out scents inspired by Captain America, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Nick Fury and even Loki. Sorry, Hawkeye, you’re out of luck.

The Avengers Cologne Set boasts “four unique fragrances”: PATRIOT, Mark VII, SMASH! and Worthy; you can probably piece together which name goes with which hero. Loki, meanwhile, gets Mischief Cologne (“Made to Rule”), and Fury has Initiative Cologne (“Activate the Initiative”).

Check out the details below, or on the JADS website.

PATRIOT Cologne
A cologne that pays homage to the confident, stand-up-to-bullies, hard working average Joe in every man. PATRIOT Cologne is both reserved and sexy; like a symbol on a shield or a moniker on a motorcycle helmet. Fresh notes of green lime and white pepper are the first to hit with dry oak wood, sandalwood and tequila accords finishing the adventure. Perfect for any time or place, PATRIOT Cologne puts the Novus Mundus in your strong, sensuous hands for you to embrace and discover.

PATRIOT Cologne
Your Attack Plan.

Mark VII Cologne
A resolutely sophisticated cologne forged from the sea, the sun, the earth, and a touch of devil-may-care whimsy. Transparent, aromatic, and modern in nature, Mark VII combines mandarin, neroli, nasturtium and jasmine layered with light patchouli to create a contemporary expression of “I don’t play well with others” confidence; leaving you always ready for whatever a genius, billionaire, playboy-philanthropist might encounter along the way.

Mark VII Cologne
Armor Up.

SMASH! Cologne
Very unusual and rare materials have been brought together to create a woody aquatic cologne evoking both a serene sense of timeless freedom and a single-minded, unbridled passion for life. Yuzu, bergamot and tarragon create clean, clear top notes along with unexpected accords of water lily and nutmeg. SMASH! then carries an intense woody drydown enriched with Indian sandalwood, vetiver, musk and sharp cedar. Complimentary to a full range of emotions, it wears well no matter where—at work, the lab or an evening out on the town.

SMASH!
Be Angry.

Worthy Cologne
This woody citrus cologne is a unique, meaningful combination of bergamot, frozen ginger and wheatgrass blended with a hint of fresh natural grapefruit and layered deeply with aromatic cypress. Basenotes are possessed with sensual, seductive tones of dark amber and cedarwood, protecting and enhancing a deep, dry masculine (dare we say almost God-like?) musk.

Worthy Cologne
Possess the Power.

Infinity Formula Cologne
Colonel Nicholas “Nick” Fury. Paratrooper, Ranger, Weapons and Demolitions Expert, Aircraft Specialist and Pilot, Green Beret. Veteran of every US War and Military Conflict since WWII. Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. “The single most powerful, most important organization on the planet Earth.” And the only human strong enough to bring together a group of remarkable people who would fight the battles no one else could.

Infinity Formula Cologne.
Face danger with something dangerous. Activate the Initiative.

Mischief Cologne
Possessed of Superhuman strength, Genius-level intelligence, Mystical powers, Telepathy, Flight, Clairvoyance, Therianthropy, and Teleportation … who could blame you for becoming the greatest trickster of them all? So wear your crown of baleful maleficence with pride; let mirth and mayhem stand ready at your side, anticipating your every command. Test their mettle knowing you have nothing to fear; you are Mischief and you were made to rule.

(via ComicBookMovie)

If you haven’t had enough of Kerry Callen’s awesome animated comics covers — and how could you possibly have? — he’s posted a couple more on his blog. That’s Lois Lane #29 above, but click through to see him make Jim Steranko’s classic Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD #4 even more psychedelic than it already was.

Marvel has provided Robot 6 with an exclusive first look at February’s Winter Soldier #1, by Ed Brubaker and Butch Guice. Officially announced in early November, the ongoing series stars Bucky Barnes and Black Widow as what Brubaker describes as “a bit like the Mr. & Mrs. Smith team,” with Nick Fury as a member of the supporting cast.

An espionage thriller, the comic launches out of the revelation that the Russians created other Winter Soldier-like sleeper agents, and will feature new villains linked to Bucky’s Cold War history.

Check out the preview pages and solicitation text below. Winter Soldier #1 goes on sale Feb. 1.

WINTER SOLDIER #1
ED BRUBAKER (W) BUTCH GUICE (A)
COVER BY LEE BERMEJO
VARIANT COVER BY GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
SKETCH VARIANT BY LEE BERMEJO
CLASSIC ARTIST VARIANT BY JOE KUBERT
• Winter Soldier and Black Widow are the super-spies of the Marvel U!
• Ex-Russian Sleeper Agents awaken, but under who’s control?
• Is that Dr. Doom? Uh oh.
32 PGS./Rated T+ – $2.99

Green Lantern #3

Hey kids, it’s time once again for What Are You Reading?, a weekly look into the reading habits of your Robot 6 bloggers. This week our special guest is Rik Offenberger, comics journalist and public relations coordinator for Archie Comics.

To see what Rik and the Robot 6 crew have been reading, click below.

*****

Brigid Alverson

This week’s reading included two totally different comics about young men haunted by their father’s work-related deaths, which is an odd coincidence because they are otherwise totally different stories.

Spontaneous

I had been reading the single issues of Joe Harris and Brett Weldele’s Spontaneous, but I sort of dropped off in the middle, so this weekend I went back and read all five issues, the entire story arc. It’s a great supernatural thriller about a young man and a slightly wacky investigative reporter tracking down the cause of multiple cases of spontaneous human combustion in a small town. The young man, Melvin, is driven by the memory of his own father exploding into flames before his eyes. The story stretches credibility a bit in places but also includes some good twists, and the pacing is perfect. I am also a huge fan of Weldele’s atmospheric, watercolor-styled art, which is perfect for a story like this. (You can read the whole first issue at Robot 6.)

Saturn Apartments is a sci-fi manga about a window washer in a huge ring-shaped apartment colony that circles the earth like the rings of Saturn. It’s located in the stratosphere, 35,000 feet up, so it’s not in outer space–the earth is right there, but no one lives there any more. Mitsu is the son of a window washer who disappeared while working on the lower side (the earth side), and when he starts at the same job, he wonders if his father wasn’t just trying to get to home to earth–but his first gig is in the exact same spot where his father disappeared, and that first-hand encounter changes his thinking. Saturn Apartments is your basic workplace manga in a sci-fi setting, and the entertainment in this book comes both from the technology and the personalities, especially the customers who’s windows Mitsu cleans. The ring-shaped complex is literally stratified: Wealthier people live in the upper levels, with access to natural light, while the lower class lives at the bottom of the ring in crowded, dark streets. The lack of natural light weakens their immune systems and makes them sickly. Creator Hisae Iwaoka uses this as a structural element in the story but doesn’t get too heavy-handed with it.

Tim O’Shea

Batman: The Brave & The Bold #13

Batman: The Brave & The Bold #13: Once Grant Morrison has praised someone’s writing and picked them to write a Steel back-up for his ongoing Action title, one would think it would be a good time to notice the creator. I’d already been enjoying writer Sholly Fisch’s run to date, but this month’s Calling All Robins may be the writer’s best issue to date. His ability to capture the voices of the various Robins, through the myriad incarnation (plus one Nightwing) of the character is uncanny. Rich Burchett’s prowess at capturing the characters’ look (no easy fit) is the icing on the cake.

Batman & Robin #3: Not sure which I like more in this series; Bruce Wayne as father figure, or Alfred as the grandpa (with espionage savvy). One thing that threw me with Peter Tomasi’s writing in this issue, I think he may have had Daddy Batman use Child (Assassin) Robin as bait in a trap. An odd thing for a father to do to a son, even when it’s Batman.

Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Essentials Volume 1: I don’t know if it was intentional on the part of Marvel to release this Essentials volume on the same week of Veterans Day, but if not that’s one great coincidence. As much as everyone enjoys Jack Kirby’s art in some of this issues #1-23 collection (plus one annual), I really gained a newfound appreciation for Dick Ayers on this project. One funny quirk, the fact that Stan Lee named a story named “An Eye for An Eye” (issue #19) in which the then two-eyed Nick Fury…does not lose his eye.

Frankenstein

Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. #3: I would strongly recommend this book were it not for Jeff Lemire’s annoying narration crutch of S.H.A.D.E.NET (the computer program that runs operations and is seemingly technologically omnipotent or something). The monsters in this issue drawn by Alberto Ponticelli are a reason to check out the book, though. And I hope one day that they can get Arthur Adams (is he Marvel exclusive?) to draw a guest arc.

Black Panther #525: I normally would be overjoyed to have Shawn Martinbrough on art (working with David Liss’ strong script). And while I was quite happy to see him on this assignment, it seems like his art was too rushed in certain points. In fact toward the end of the story, a villain is introduced and I had to re-read the pages, as it appeared a page of the story was missing. But honestly as much as I am displeased by the quality of Martinbrough’s art, on his worst day, the artist outperforms 85 percent of current mainstream artists. And his noir approach is picture perfect, in a general sense, for this series.

Battle Scars #1: As little interest as I had for the Fear Itself event, I was pleasantly surprised by the basic premise of this limited series (Military veteran who is sought after by villains and protected by heroes). But I wonder how much we will see of series like this, given that editor Alejandro Arbona was recently let go by Marvel. Time will tell.

Rik Offenberger

Jughead Double Digest #175

Jughead Double Digest #175: Jughead is always good for a laugh, and this issue is no exception. Jughead is featured as his super hero alter ego Captain Hero. Which is the best name a comedy hero ever came up with. He is join in his super hero adventure by Big Ethel, who has been looking for any way to team up with Jughead since before I was born. Its both fun and funny, it’s everything you want from a comic book. Pal’s and Paws is the following story and I don’t know what Hotdog is such a good foil for Jughead. It’s hard to do animal stories in comics but Hotdog has always been able to bridge the gap between funny animal stories and strait comedy stories. The double digest is the greatest value in comics with more comic pages per dollar then any other format. The balance of the digest is filled with Jughead tales spanning the generations. If you are a new fan then all the stories are new to you, but if you are a long time fan you get to re-experience your childhood love of Jughead as the classic tales cover every decade.

Mega Man #7: Mega Man is a video game-inspired comic that is so good you don’t have to have played the game to enjoy it. However if you are a gamer, Mega Man follows the game closely and adds depth and enjoyment to the game you already love. In this issue Mega Man searches for his kidnapped sister. Clues to clear Dr. Light’s name is coming up empty. Dr. Wily is still at large. Maybe Mega Man can save the day with the help of the six Robot Masters, or are the robots wandering right into Dr. Wily’s latest trap? It’s the mixture of both fun and excitement that Ian Flynn delvers better then anyone else.

Green Lantern #3: Green Lantern was never one of my favorite characters, but it is one of the best comics on the rack. Geoff Johns’ have overcome my concerns about a character who only had to think about what he wanted and his ring would do it for him. Hal Jordan has been put through his paces from one set of personal torture to another. Currently he has been stripped of his ring and finds his non-super life is a total mess. His greatest nemesis, Sinestro has offered Hal his powers back and Hal has to answer to Sinestro. However it’s not entirely clear that Hal will survive the experience. To make matters worse, the Guardians of the Universe, who give Green Lantern’s their powers, are now considering pulling the plug on the entire corps and starting over.

Huntress

Huntress #2: I have been a Huntress fan since she first appeared in DC Super Stars. She started as the daughter of Batman and Catwoman, and after the first Crisis she became Helena Bertinelli, a girl whose family was killed by mafia rivals. She has always been a character who could stand up to Batman without flinching. In the current story, Huntress creator Paul Levitz tells a compelling story of Helena Bertinelli’s trip to Naples, where she ends up fighting the mafia to save young girls from a prostitution ring. It’s a full blown, hard core kick ass adventure that should please any comic readers and on top of it all, Marcus To’s art is outstanding.

FemForce #157: FemForce is the first all female team book. Bill Black and team have been building a small but very loyal fan base since 1984. I started reading FemForce with FemForce Special #1. This issue focused on the storyline involving Synn’s loss of control of her powers. The whole FemForce team have repaired to a high-tech government paranormal facility, The Colorado Project, where they hope to preform an experimental medical procedure to restore Synn’s balance. Stardust and Nightveil argue as to whether science or magic is the best cure to Synn’s ills. This issue also introduces N.E.D.O.R. Agents. Set in 1965, the strip answers the question, what if the Standard /Nedor heroes had been revived in 1960s, like the DC and Marvel/Timely heroes were? The store features Fighting Yank, Pyroman, Black Terror, The Commando Cubs, and other actual Golden age heroes, and introduces second-generation heroines Pyrogirl, Candi Future and Fighting Yank, jr. Plus Dinosaur Girl faces an Asian giantess who seems to be the first in an endless wave of new female Axis menaces.

Magneto Not A Hero #1

Magneto Not A Hero #1: Erik Lasher is the best villain in any comic. In that he is so complex that he can be written as both hero and villain. He is the Malcolm X to Professor X’s Martin Luther King. He wants Mutant equality now by any means necessary. He is also a holocaust survivor, who really believes “Never Again.” In this four part story a video surfaces of Magneto murdering members of an anti-mutant group. It’s not clear if the tape is real or a fake. But Erik must answer to the Avengers for the contents of the tape as well as deal with the reaction from within his mutant community. The thing that makes Magneto fun is playing the line between being a mutant rights activist and being a mutant terrorist. Skottie Young does a great job focusing on Magneto and how others deal with him.

Uncanny X-Force #17: In Uncanny X-Force, Rick Remender goes into familiar waters as we are in part 7 of the 8 part Dark Angel Saga. The Saga actually began in June 1986 when Apocalypse first appeared and started a storyline that led to the end of the Angel and the birth of Dark Angel. One of my favorite lines in the book is Warren saying “X-Men don’t kill” especially since Dark Angel does kill and the entire Uncanny X-Force cast are the X-Men who kill. You could even go as far to say they are child killers. The events in Uncanny haven’t matched up with Schism yet. If you are a long -ime X-Men fan there are lots of little payoffs with fond memories of Age of Apocalypse. Even playing up the Phoenix and Weapon X relationship. While I find this all to be great fun and well thought out, I don’t know if it is even accessible to new fans. I hope it is, because this is all the wild violence that made Wolverine a super star in the early days of Uncanny X-Men and now he is leader of a team of like minded mutants.

"It was nice knowing you, Colonel!"

Sam Hiti (Death-Day) redrew a panel from Tales of Suspense #78 and this is how it turned out. Somebody call that man for the next Strange Tales volume, please.

You can see the original Jack Kirby/Frank Giacola panel at Kirby-Vision.

No trip to Hollywood is complete without buying a map to the stars’ homes. Now you can do the same thing for New York City superheroes in the Marvel Universe. Only – thanks to Dorkly – the map is free. They tell you where to find your favorite heroes’ hangouts, but the best part is that they also have photos of the real life buildings that inspired the fictional ones and/or reside at their addresses.

At the tender age of 17, Stan Lee began a long and fruitful career at Marvel Comics (then known as Timely). Lee went from assistant to editor to editor-in-chief and later publisher and icon. And all through those years he wrote — diligently, prodigiously and prophetically, it seems. During that time he co-created the enduring comic icons of Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Daredevil, Doctor Strange and a host of others. Although he’s best known for his creations during the 1960s and 70s, Lee continues to this day to create new characters through his own ventures and partnerships through other companies.

With such a broad and diverse landscape of concepts he’s created and co-created over the years, even after the recent comic book movie successes with his name on them, there’s a mountain of material up for grabs.

Nick Fury: Samuel L. Jackson has defined carved his name into the Nick Fury (Hassel-who?), but he’s yet to get his own movie. There’s been talk of a Fury film going back years, but until I’m sitting in the theatre I won’t believe it. The Nick Fury character has an immense wealth of material to go from — he bridges the gap between war comics, spy comics and into super-heroics. There could be a WW2-era Howling Commandos movie, a latter spy movie in S.H.I.E.L.D., and even a twilight swansong in Secret Warriors. If Joss Whedon’s Avengers does well, I’d sequester Samuel L. Jackson now to film a trilogy back-to-back with him and a younger version of him for the early 1940s stuff. Get on it, Marvel!

Ultimo:Ultimo might be one of Lee’s more recent creations, but this manga epic really has a special story that movie-goers could love. Co-created with manga-ka Hiroyuki Takei (Shaman King), it tells the story of two brothers named Ultimo and Vice born to be the perfect good and perfect evil in the world. Ultimo chronicles their fight over thousands of years, going from feudal Japan to a far off future.

Doctor Strange: Although other Marvel characters might be  more popular than Stephen Strange, to me Dr. Strange and the Silver Surfer seem the closest to Lee’s heart. Envisioned as proud surgeon who gets a lesson in compassion after a terminal injury to his hands and becomes the world’s best sorcerer, it would be a special-effects bonanza. At one time, Marvel had both Guillermo del Toro and Neil Gaiman signed up for a movie version of the character but it sadly fell through. If they’re unavailable, how about we get director David Yates and newly-minted screenwriter Brian K. Vaughn in to make Dr. Strange real?

Heroman: Another manga creation (this time with the manga studio Bones), Heroman carries an origin that mixes Spider-Man and Captain Marvel, and could be an ideal platform for an animated TV series or even a live action movie. I admit the title “Heroman” has some negatives, but it could be a positive if posed sardonically.

The Rawhide Kid:One of several western characters Lee created over the years, the Rawhide Kid has been brought back in the past few years by Marvel as an example of a homosexual hero in the Wild West. With or without the blatant sexuality put on it recently, the Rawhide Kid could be an interesting foray for Marvel Studios into westerns if done in their near-trademarked style.

The Inhumans: Marvel Studios has already gone on record with their desire to do a feature film version of The Inhumans, and there’s a load of potential to be had. A secretive society that was hyper-evolved past what humans could be, living in seclusion with other bizarre creations by the space-faring Celestials. Take the success of Game of Thrones and put it into the super-hero mixer and you’re close to what this could be. And I’d pay serious coin to see a live-action Lockjaw.

Wonder Man: While most people might not see a boatload of potential in Simon Williams, he is tailor-made for Hollywood; in fact, it’s a part of his story. A failed industrialist turns to villainy, then hero-dom and later Hollywood to make his way. While he’s been used unevenly in recent years by Marvel in the Avengers titles, a lot could be made of a hero who moonlights as a Hollywood movie star.

C2E2

The second C2E2 convention, hosted by ReedPOP in Chicago, wrapped up yesterday. Here’s an attempt to round up all the comic-related news that was announced at various panels during the show. I’d be surprised if I didn’t miss something.

While Marvel and DC Comics were both in attendance and held multiple panels, Marvel dominated in terms of the number of announcements, which is no surprise — DC tends to favor announcing new projects and creative teams on their Source blog rather than at conventions these days. I only point this out after seeing the long list of Marvel announcements and the far fewer DC ones in my summary below.

• Marvel confirmed earlier reports by officially announcing the creative teams for the two “Big Shots” titles they’ve been teasing, Daredevil and The Punisher. Irredeemable/Amazing Spider-Man writer Mark Waid will pen Daredevil, with Amazing Spider-Man artists Paolo Rivera and Marcos Martin illustrating.

“Tonally, it’s still very much a crime series, but we’re toning down the noir a bit and playing up the high adventure a bit more,” Waid told Comic Book Resources. “He’s the Man Without Fear. I want to see that constantly. I want to see him diving face-first into perils that would make Green Lantern shriek like a little girl.”

• Detective Comics/Whiteout writer Greg Rucka and Amazing Spider-Man/Daredevil artist Mark Checchetto, meanwhile, are the creative team for the new Punisher series, which is set in the Marvel Universe.

“At the start I’m less interested in dealing with the Punisher’s gallery of established rogues than I am with establishing a status quo,” Rucka told CBR. “Where I’m coming from will allow us to bring a couple of new organizations into New York and to set up some other criminal enterprises and adversarial forces that he could be facing, because frankly if you’re in the mob and you’re in New York you’re terribly dumb. At this point you really do know how that ends.”

• With Daredevil returning, what does that mean for the Black Panther, who took over his book after Shadowland? Fans of T’Challa have nothing to fear, as the Black Panther: The Man Without Fear series by David Liss and Francisco Francavilla will continue. The next story arc will feature Kraven the Hunter and Storm.

• Liss is also working on a new miniseries called Mystery Men for Marvel, which debuts in June. Drawn by Patrick Zircher, it features the Marvel Universe of 1932.

• Marvel also announced that writer Rob Williams and artist Matthew Clark are working on a new Ghost Rider series, which launches in June.

• That’s not the only new project announced for Williams — he’s also working on an Iron Man project called The Iron Age with artist Rebekah Isaacs.

• The Ultimate Spider-Man team of Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Bagley are teaming up for a creator-owned series that will be published through Marvel’s Icon imprint. The book, called Brilliant, is about science students trying to create superpowers in a lab. It begins in July.

• At the Dynamite Entertainment panel, writer Garth Ennis revealed he’s working on a new Marvel book starring Nick Fury for their more adult-oriented MAX line.

Supreme POwer #1

• In other MAX news, Kyle Higgins and Manuel Garcia are working on a four-issue miniseries Supreme Power series that continues the stories began in J. Michael Straczysnki’s series of the same name.

• The Sixth Gun writer Cullen Bunn and Batgirl artist Lee Garbett are working on a Fear Itself tie-in called The Deep. It sort of stars the Defenders, as Namor calls on Dr. Strange, Silver Surfer and She-Hulk to help him out against some secret villains. “Suffice it to say, there is a villain Namor has faced before, a powerful group of villains with ties to the Defenders and some new threats who will be harrowing our heroes,” Bunn told CBR.

• Fred Van Lente will write another Fear Itself tie-in that hasn’t been officially announced yet. It will star Amadeus Cho and the new Power Man.

• Greg Pak will end his very long run on The Incredible Hulk with a storyline called “Heart of the Monster.”

• DC Comics revealed that as a result of the upcoming Flashpoint event, The Flash will end with issue #12.

• Dark Horse announced a new Star Wars: Dark Times miniseries, by Mick Harrison and Doug Wheatley. Like the previous one, it’s set in the time between Episodes III and IV of the movie franchise.

• Dynamite announced that Jesse Blaze Snyder will write a new series starring the Chaos Universe character Evil Ernie. Publisher Nick Barrucci said Evil Ernie will be the lynchpin of the new Chaos Universe, with other writers following Snyder’s lead.

• Dynamite also teased a possible Bionic Man comic book.

• DC Comics, Image, BOOM!, Dynamite and a number of other publishers have signed on with comiXology’s Digital Storefront Affiliate program.

• Dark Horse will publish another Mass Effect comic later this year.

• IDW announced that their Doctor Who comics are now available digitally.

• Avatar’s Boundless imprint will publish War Goddess by Mike Wolfer and Pao Rodrix, which stars Avatar heroines Pandora, Widow and Hellina.

• Oni Press announced a new graphic novel, One Soul, by Possessions creator Ray Fawkes.

And these of course are just the news bits … to find out who said what at which panel, check out CBR’s complete coverage of the con.

Perhaps Marvel is overthinking this whole super-spy Nick Fury angle. Perhaps a more sophisticated, retro approach, as suggested by Evan “Doc” Shaner, is warranted in these sullen times. By the way, check out the rest of Shaner’s blog for some more cool DC/Marvel pin-ups, including Fin Fang Foom and Black Adam as a Red Lantern.

Or kind of ridiculous in regards to the ongoing narrative. But don’t be afraid, not everything is all new and different. Let’s take a gander at the September solicitations for the House of Ideas and see what we can look forward to hearing about when we’re darn good and ready.

Okay, no joke, there are indeed 11 #1 issues coming out, from the benign Thor and Punisher Annuals (I actually find myself missing when they used to number annuals by the year they came out) to the long-awaited Spider-Woman #1 and Wolverine: Old Man Logan Giant-Size #1. There’s even the ridiculous, but I’ll get to that later. Point is, this is just as much a month for starts of things to come as August, which tips the scales at 14 #1 issues. Marvel may tout their 600th Captain America, Spider-Man or Incredible Hulk, but let’s face it: #1 on a cover gives the book that delectable little collector’s spice.

The good news is that most of these #1 issues are mini-series (and no you’re not seeing double, that’s both Ender’s Game and Ender’s Shadow: Command School coming out back to back). A lot of the #2 issues that arrive this month are also mini-related, with a delicious ‘collect me in a trade’ taste. Iron Man & The Armor Wars #2 lands with Ultimate Comics: Armor Wars #1, declaring the month unsafe for armor. Ultimate Comics: Avengers #2 enters the running for ‘most ridiculous phrase in a solicit’ this month with “Meanwhile, Nick Fury reveals the horrifying truth behind the Red Skull and kick-starts Project Avengers in earnest with the arrival of Gregory Stark, Tony’s older, richer and smarter brother!”. But on the whole, nearly half of these #2 issues are the halfway mark on their respective stories; the promising books are the Ultimate Comic titles and, of course, Ed Brubaker’s retelling of the Golden Age as a hot new espionage thriller in The Marvels Project.

Okay, so we got a lot of short stories to enjoy, tidbits of Marveliciousness to nibble on, what about the rest of the Marvel Universe, those long established tales that draw readers back again and again? What about Spider-Man, flagship hero of the House of Ideas?

Well, that’s classified. ALL FOUR ISSUES. Even Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man doesn’t want to tell you to what’s going on. But next week we’re promised the truth about September’s Spidey, leaving us with HeroesCon this weekend as prime announcement bait. In fact, even now I could totally be getting scooped by a con panel! So let’s venture a guess: since last month seemed to be hot for Mary Jane, Peter Parker could very well learn of the devil-made deal from One More Day. He’ll probably charge to the internet to call Joe Quesada Hitler and swear he’ll never read his own book again.

Spider-Woman #1 has been a long time coming and her fanfic- I mean, post-Secret Invasion story will finally be told. Personally, I’ve been interested in the story if only to learn what from Spider-Woman: Origin (all the way back in 2005, wow!) is actually true or a Skrull fever dream. Yeah, four years is a long time to hold a grudge but the wild shift from one origin to another would be a fine time for a Skrull gaffe in programming, getting us back to the girl from Wundagore Mountain that we started with. Outlook is hazy, but I’m sure Bendis has other plans for his favorite character, perhaps taking it to that Amazonian he cares little for (thanks, Graeme!).

In other Spider News, who let this happen? No, really. Who let them reissue Spider-Man: The Clone Saga as reprint issues? If anything, a trade would have been just fine and more than enough for the laughable little series that could but getting people to buy it again in six issues “now with an ending you have to see to believe!” Marvel’s balls are brass, folks.

Speaking of brass balls (and aren’t we always?), the plethora of Avengers and Avengers-like books (Avengers-esque?) both hit highs and lows as covers like this one reminding me exactly why I adore the art of selling comics (really, the pic does the work for me; thanks Deodato!) as the tale of Ares finally finding out that his 10-year-old son has been skipping school and probably home to go truck around with a surly man in an eyepatch. Yeah, I’d get an axe too. But while Secret Warriors and Dark Avengers deal with an angry father, there are three issues to handle what very well just might be the last of the Hood (I can dream). From his rather hasty and uncreative takeover of the criminal underworld, the man who helped beat up Tigra is finally feeling the heat from the many mistakes he’s made and is getting Dark Avengers #47, Dark Reign: Made Men and Dark Reign: the Hood to sort himself out. In a world where Norman Osborn runs the world on a string, do we really need to know that the Hood is having problems?

Something we don’t have enough of is War of Kings fall out. Just two issues this month, Nova and Guardians of the Galaxy. Maybe we’ll get a couple more in the following months but the cosmic stories have done well enough in the past (not to mention now) that I would have expected another ongoing series to play around with by now. The Imperial Guard, the Starjammers, something.

But then again, my Marvel math isn’t up to par. How else could I not understand why they would sell a separate Ultimatum HC collecting the four ‘Requiem’ issues for $20, an Ultimatum HC with just the main series for $25 and the Ultimatum: Spider-Man HC with no Requiem issue also for $25? In one trade, you’re getting five issues for around $5 each while another gives you an incomplete story for a little under $4. Some local comic shops might be able to get you the back issues for cheaper than that. To me, it’s a misappropriation of hardcoveriness but again, my math might be a little confused.

There’s a lot to talk about from the solicitations, from the “long-awaited Peter Bagge ‘Incorrigible Hulk’”, the rather madcap ‘M.O.D.O.C. as Grosse Point Blank’ one-shot, the surprise return of the N to Christos N. Gage’s name (welcome back, friend!), Dan Slott’s ‘Classify THIS’ approach to solicit writing (“Readers already know the Scarlet Witch is secretly LOKI”), the mighty end and fallout from the under-hyped X-Men/Avengers crossover, the list goes on. Take a look yourself and start making your lists early. In the words of the Bard Fraction, “Nothing gold can stay, Pony-Boy.”