Just remember he doesn't like small talk, girls

Oh my … as if Charlie Sheen’s troubles couldn’t get any worse, artist Fernando Ruiz details Archie’s worst nightmare. Keep him away from underage girls! Archie Comics sent this over, and I can only assume it’s a joke, rather than an upcoming storyline. Hopefully.

In any event, if you haven’t gotten enough of Sheen’s rantings, The Sheen Family Circus has mashed them up with Family Circus cartoons. Jeffy’s got quite the mouth on him.

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to own a custom comic book or graphic novel featuring you and your story. Memorialize your wedding, your last summer with your friends or classmates, a poignant event in your family history, or your own unique life experience,” says artist Rigel Stuhmiller in her Etsy post. “You will receive 40 hardbound copies of your book, either full color or black and white (your choice), each 32-pages long.”

For only $40,000, Stuhmiller will create a 32-page comic based on your story and print 40 hardbound copies for you to keep. Stuhmiller keeps the copyright — but you get the book.

Hey, let’s start up a Kickstarter fund for $40,000 to get CBR head honcho Jonah Weiland’s amazing but true life story finally put down into comics form. What do you think?

Huh? Where’d you go?

Bruce on the loose

I’ll just have to quote from the site on this one …

“WELCOME EARTHLINGS TO THE COMICAL COMMAND CENTER FOR SEXY SUPERHEROS.

“LED BY THE EVIL LORD OF MOCKERY, EMPEROR SKIPNOSIS, THEY HAVE COME HERE TO SMASH THRU BARRIERS OF SUPER HERO AND VILLIAN MASCULINITY AND EXPRESS THE MORE FEMININE SIDE OF THEIR TYPICALLY MACHO PERSONAS.

“FOR EVERY SUPERHERO HAS A SECRET KINK OF SOME SORT, AND THESE MASKED MEN HAVE GROWN TIRED OF HIDING IN THE CLOSET AND PRETENDING THAT THEY ARE RULED ONLY BY OUR UNRELENTING AGGRESSION AND ACUTE MENTAL TOUGHNESS.

“THEIR MISSION IS TO BREAK FREE FROM THEIR MUSCLE BOUND PHYSIQUES AND EXPRESS THEIR CROSS DRESSING TENDENCIES FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE.”

And … yeah. The caps lock seems really appropriate for some reason.

Um, congratulations?

Words fail me.

Via The Daily What

You can call it the Bat-Umbrella or the Bat-Brolly or, as French creator Maxine Pecourt calls it, the “Batpluie,” but whatever you do, don’t leave it behind in the cab or at your day job or you’ll catch a cold the next time you fight the Joker. (via)

The guy has t-shirts made up and everything

This smacks of some sort of pr stunt/scam (note all the links to some site called K-Z Entertainment) but … apparently a gentleman on Facebook has started a fan page where he promises to name his soon-to-be-born child Batman if he gets over 500,000 followers. He’s already well past the 900,000 mark, so I suppose the poor unborn tot (the due date is next month) is doomed to bear the Caped Crusader’s moniker until he’s old enough to head to the local registar’s office. Hopefully his younger brother, Zur En Arrh, will deflect some of the massive bullying and teasing he will receive during his K-12 schooling.

This is why YouTube the internet was invented.

Via Topless Robot > Gorilla Mask

Frankachu

You might remember the promo image that Marvel released a few weeks back that shows the Punisher being turned into some sort of Frankenstein’s Monster. Well, now you can build your own Frank Castle … or at least give him a head. Head over to Marvel.com to download the template, add a head, then upload your creation to the Flickr set Marvel’s set up, where you can see such ungodly creations as Frankachu (above) and FrankenQuesada.

J. Jonah Jameson by Jon Adams

What do fictional editors-turned-mayors dream about? The kind of stuff that probably would lose voters but gain readers …

(You can find more of Kevin Church’s J. Jonah Jameson sketch collection here).

Nisan and his 'girlfriend'

Before you start moping in your Corn Flakes again about what a lonely, lonely comics nerd you are, consider this: At least you’re not as bad as some of the people profiled in this recent New York Times story about a growing subset of men and women in Japan who fall in love with and attempt to have real relationships with cartoon characters. Take “Nisan” for example, whose girlfriend is an anime character printed on a body pillow:

Nisan told me that not long ago he had a real girlfriend, but that she dumped him. He carries Nemutan almost everywhere he goes, though he is more self-conscious about it than he may seem at first. “Some people don’t find this funny,” he said, “and it also takes up a lot of room.” He treats her the way any decent man would treat a girlfriend — he takes her out on the weekends to sing karaoke or take purikura, photo-booth pictures imprinted on a sheet of tiny stickers. In the few hours we spent together, I watched him position her gently in the restaurant booth and later in the back seat of his car, making sure to keep her upright and not to touch her private parts. He doesn’t take her to work, but he has a backup body pillow with the same Nemutan cover inside his desk drawer in case he has to work late at his tech-support job. “She’s great for falling asleep with on an office chair.”

See? Feel better now, doncha? (link via Cartoon Brew)

Oh the inhumanity

You can see more images and a snippet from the new comic (it’s all in Portuguese) here. According to Cartoon Brew, Tubby has left his violin to lead a rock band, Annie is the gang’s geek and a videogame freak, Gloria is a fashion expert and Alvin has become a skater and surfer.

So … they’ve taken everything that was original and funny about the characters and replaced them with generic cliches? I’m sure that will work well for them.

This is all the fault of that West Side gang I betcha!